The Rev’d Mary Trainor
EDITOR’S NOTE: A church community is created when people gather together for the love of God. At the same time, Saint Philip’s is comprised of many people who represent different ages, life experiences, and world views.
The “In conversation…” series is one attempt to create possibilities for connection between the different people in our community. As varied as we all are, there are also similarities and mutual interests waiting to be discovered. And there is one thing we all share: a desire to know God and be in relationship with him.
In anticipation of the Annual Meeting on Sunday, January 28, interviews over the next three weeks will feature staff clergy. This week’s conversation is with Mtr Mary.
How long have you worked at Saint Philip’s?
Since the first Tuesday of February 2019.
What brought you to Tucson?
Several things. I knew I wanted to continue working after I retired officially and as Tucson has six Episcopal churches I trusted that something would work out.
Tucson was also more appealing than Phoenix because of its cooler temperatures in the summer, the fact that it is not a metropolis, and I am more in line with its governing directions.
Were you raised in a faith tradition?
I would say I was exposed to a faith tradition more than raised in it. My mother’s religion was the hellfire and brimstone Southern Baptist Church. It scared me to death. The message I received was that I could never be good enough for God to love me—and I never thought to challenge that perspective.
That religion’s focus on the devil became an obsession for me. At only 9 years old I was scared that I would burn in hell if I didn’t love Jesus with all my heart. How could I tell? I equated thinking about anything other than Jesus as not loving him—and making myself vulnerable to the devil. It was exhausting, confusing, and terrifying. And it also seemed odd as my brother and I were among the best behaved kids in the neighborhood.
Because of that experience I spent the next 30 or so years uninterested in having anything to do with church. Well—except for when my mother had a stroke in 1996 and came to live with me.
What happened then?
My mother’s health limited her social circle, and I thought a church might offer a nice community experience. So, we visited a few Baptist churches and attended one for a couple of months. I found it challenging but was motivated for her sake.
As it turns out, she was motivated to attend on my behalf. Luckily, we discovered this after about two months. We had a talk and learned that neither of us enjoyed the experience.
Thereafter our Sunday morning routine was to enjoy brunch at Coco’s restaurant and then go shopping at Target. We were both much happier!
How did you find your way to the Episcopal church?
While in rehab after her stroke, my mother received daily visits from a chaplain at the hospital. Later that same year, The Rev’d Joanna Satorius—an Episcopal priest—was called to be Rector at St. George’s Episcopal Church in Riverside, California. My brother and I planned to surprise my mother by taking her to Joanna’s new church. Which we did, but the surprise was on me because after that one visit, I never left church again.
That’s dramatic. What happened?
I think it was two things. As a young person I assumed that all churches were like the single Baptist experience I knew. I never thought to question that perspective, and assumed I simply didn’t fit. But when I found St. George’s I was 50 years old and recognized immediately that I had found what I was looking for all my life.
The other reason was St. George’s itself. It revolutionized what I thought church was.
Did you expect to enter the priesthood?
Not at all. I knew I liked church, but I was 51 years old when I was received into the Episcopal Church. It seemed ridiculous that I would be called. I was clearly too old. But apparently God had other plans, and I was ordained when I turned 60.
What changed?
I’ve always paid attention to my dreams—and I started having some that made me explore the idea of ordination. I tried to ignore them but couldn’t. My brother had already been ordained and he encouraged me to speak with Joanna. I did and she put together a committee with which I met for a year. I then met with a committee of parishioners at another church. That was helpful, too, because that group of people didn’t know me and could discern objectively if they felt I had a call or not.
My call never lightened so here I am today.
What about being a priest is particularly interesting or meaningful to you?
I love it all. The larger church experience at Saint Philip’s is new to me. I think there’s a fantasy from smaller-church clergy that you’ll have time to sit and pray and work on your sermon all week long. That myth was destroyed early on after my arrival here. It seems, large or small, church is just hectic. And I love the breadth of it. I love preaching and pastoral care.
What is your role on staff?
I serve a dual role: Business Administrator and Associate for funerals and columbariums, and pastoral care. I also participate in liturgies on Sundays.
What did you do professionally before entering the priesthood?
I held a variety of jobs. As I look back, most had something in common: I was “on call” and responsible pretty much 24/7.
For about five years I did public information and administrative work in the California hospital setting for developmentally delayed individuals from infancy to death. At one point we had 3,200 residents and almost as many employees.
From there I went to work at a newly opened mental retardation center at UCLA’s Neuropsychiatric Institute doing publications work.
Then I got my first newspaper job at a small daily. I was a jack of all trades and I loved that variety. From there I moved on to The Desert Sun in Palm Springs where I stayed for 15 years.
The next 15 years were spent working as administrative director and eventually a corporate officer of Children’s Comprehensive Services.
What do you do just for fun?
I love movies and enjoy watching British crime series. I also spend a lot of time with my French bulldog Emmylou and Siamese cat Norah.
A renewed interest of late is fitness. Preparing for my “last few laps around the track” has inspired me to enter this next phase of my life as strong and as healthy as I can be.
What’s one of your passions?
Animals. Dogs in particular. My family got its first dog when I was nine years old—and it was love at first sight for me. We’d always had cats but dogs are my soul mates.
I think all animals—not just dogs and cats—are sentient beings and can teach humans what compassion looks like. There is evidence of wild animals saving humans or another wild animal. They are not underlings; they are on a par with us. They, too, are God’s beloveds.
When I was in middle school I thought about becoming a vet. But I eventually recognized that I didn’t think I could handle the emotional pain of dealing with the situations vets have to manage every day.
What are you proud of?
I think as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to value something I’ve always had: a form of courage. I am not afraid of barging right in to the center of a problem.
Do you have a favorite prayer?
I’m not sure it’s an official prayer but I use it as one. It’s from Thomas Merton’s Thoughts in Solitude:
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
It’s so strong yet comforting.
What’s something you’re grateful for?
I’ve had a blessed life. I’ve had few health problems, and I’m grateful to be reasonably healthy at this time in my life. Age allows me to appreciate a perspective that in my younger years I didn’t have. When someone pushes my button, I’m curious about where the behavior is coming from, and why I react the way I do. That can be painful at times, but it helps me grow.
What’s something on your bucket list?
I’ve always wanted to go on a photographic safari to Africa and see all those big, beautiful God-created pieces of life.
What might people be surprised to learn about you?
There’s not too much about myself that hasn’t ended up in a Daily Bread reflection or a sermon so folks pretty much know a lot about me. But maybe not everyone knows that I love solving puzzles.
The New York Times has a daily mini-crossword puzzle, a spelling bee where you create a certain number of words using specific letters, Wordle, and a game called Connections. Emmylou, Norah, and I sit on the couch every morning and I enjoy my coffee and start the day with one of those games.
Missed an interview? All previous interviews can be found on Saint Philip’s website under the “About Us” tab. Click here to visit that page.